Baby Knows Best...

I guess I never understood babies. I really had no reason to pay close attention to them. If a friends baby cried I would simply say, "Here you go" and hand the little bundle back to Mom. For some delusional reason I believed babies laid there, cried when hungry, fussed when they had a dirty bum but otherwise were quiet and just chilled.

It's extremely embarrassing to admit but it's my truth and since becoming a Mom I've been eating handfuls of humble pie.

Things I've learned since Lillian has come into our life:

She will lay there on her blanket, happily surrounded by toys and plushed animals and scream these high pitched squeals. These squeals have nothing to do with being upset but actually the opposite, she is happy and love's hearing the noises she makes. Most of the squeals are music to my ears knowing that this sweet little bundle is happy and healthy, minus the times she chooses the 6 o'clock in the morning squeal fest.

She is way smarter then I give her credit for. Just the other day Lillian was acting fussy because she wanted her breakfast, so I sat her in her bouncer and walked away to grab her bib. The fussiness got louder until I was out of sight and she all of a sudden went quiet. As soon as I came around the corner and she noticed me, the fussiness started up quickly as she looked at me with a half smile, half frown. Very tricky Lillian, very tricky! I'm on to you little one.

You cannot prepare for what type of Mother you'll become. All my plans have gone out the window, along with the stupid baby books and the advice from other mother's, grandmothers, or even women without children who "try" to be helpful but who you wish would just shut the fridge door.

Others will say, "We'll babies just don't cry for no reason," yes, yes they definitely do!

I fell madly and deeply in love and my life is forever changed because of it. Her sweet little smile and precious little giggles is the only thing keeping me from bashing my head off the wall when she chooses to have a "moment." I would throw myself in front of a bus before that little baby girl ever feels pain or knows upset. I regularly feel I am failing as a mother because I have to walk away when she decides to take a fit or when I secretly want 20 minutes of me time during the day and just wish she would take a nap already.

Babies know best and will always tell you what they need. It's amazing how their personality shines through at such a young age. Looking back to when she was a little bean in my belly it becomes perfectly clear that those kicks and punches were her way of giving me her opinion or a piece of her mind ;)

Complicated, or something like that.

After each bumpy road in life there is a time of reflection. A time to look back on the past and revisit what worked, what didn't and what your goals for the future are.

Life in general can be complicated and sometimes staying optimistic is the only way to take the punches.

As a little girl I was ridiculously accident prone, broken limbs, bruised body, spent a lot of time hauling my parents to the ER for splints and casts and oxygen masks.

As a teenager I was bad, always doing the absolute opposite of what my parents "told" me I should. It was rebellion, "Who were they to tell me what to do" and "They don't know anything." Thank goodness this period of my life was wrapped up in a couple years.

As a young adult I spent most of my years travelling. I felt lost and kept searching for where I belonged in this scary negative world. In the meantime, I went on many adventures; searching the beauty of the Mediterranean, the romance of Paris, the history of Rome, the night-life of Melbourne. All of these places were significant in my past and permanent pictures of scenery are burnt into my Retina.

All of those "wordly" places were significant, but not as significant as Red Deer, AB. This little city located between Calgary and Edmonton with a population of 80,000 has had the most significant positive changes in my life. Who would have thought that this small oil city located in Canada would turn my world around, change it and in the meantime change me.

I found myself in this city, I fell in love in this city and I had my first born in this city. This city has helped shape me into the person I wanted to be for so long, the person I searched the world for.

Now, I look to positive changes and fulfilling life events in the future that will continue to shape the Melonie I have grown to love.

I'm a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister. I'm stubborn, strong, passionate, emotional, hard working. I'm a leader, a philanthropist, and I want to change the world. I sometimes have foot-in-mouth syndrome and I try to live without regret.

Not everyone I meet is going to love me, But for the first time in my life...I'm Fine with that.